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How to Rekindle a Broken Relationship (7 Tips)

Has your relationship lost its spark?

This is common problem that most couples experience at one point or another. In fact, a recent study of 2,000 adults revealed the spark can begin to fade five years into the relationship.

A relationship can lose its spark for a wide range of reasons, including a dwindling sex life, trust issues, sleeping separately, and no longer holding hands.

There is hope!

That same study revealed that more than 8 in 10 respondents said they were able to rekindle their relationship. There is no shortage of advice on the topic, but I thought it would be helpful to share a few tips to help you get started.

Here is how to rekindle a broken relationship and keep the fire going for years to come.

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How to Rekindle a Broken Relationship

When a relationship is broken, it does not necessarily mean the relationship must be over. In fact, there are many ways you can rekindle a broken relationship and get back to the couple you once were, and perhaps even become a stronger couple.

Below are several examples of how you can start rekindling your relationship today.

1. See Change as a Positive

Change can be scary, but it is necessary to rekindle a relationship.  If you were to continue as you are right now and not change anything, then it would be impossible to improve. You would be stuck in the same relationship rut with your partner.

Change can be wonderful and can bring about a feeling of excitement and hope.

2. Give in A Little

You don’t always have to win. You don’t even have to argue every time you disagree with your partner. In fact, it is good to sometimes let them have their way or let them win. Compromising is a great way to show the one you love you can let go of control, that you can focus on what is most important, your relationship, not winning.

Sometimes maintaining peace in your relationship is more important than winning.

When you begin to compromise, your partner will also learn it is okay to soften. Eventually, you will both know when it is the right time to argue and when it is the right time to walk away from an argument.

3. The Way You Talk

The way you talk to your partner and to yourself can enhance a relationship or hinder it. If you constantly speak negatively, whether to yourself or your spouse, you will feel, think and act negatively, this negativity can be contagious.

On the other hand, talking to yourself and the ones you love in a positive way will boost your confidence, engage your partner, and improve the way you both react to situations life can throw your direction.

If you are a naturally negative thinking person, start practicing being positive. There are activities you can do together to put more positivity into your communication. For instance, every time you catch yourself saying something negative, make yourself follow that up with five positive comments. Always end conversations with positive words.

4. Show Gratitude

There is always something to be grateful for in your relationship. Instead of seeking out negative characteristics of your partner, train yourself to look for the positive; then tell your spouse how grateful you are.

A simple thank you can go a long way to make your partner feel appreciated and loved.  When your partner feels appreciated and loved, your relationship gets a new spark.

It’s important to be grateful in the right way, not only when it benefits you. Point out the times your spouse is doing something unexpected, or out of the ordinary. Even if it is something as simple as cleaning the dishes, tell them how their actions make you feel, using positive words.

5. Follow Through

Many times, couples promise to make positive changes at the time of making the promise, we truly intend to follow through. Life stressors pop up and we fail to keep our promises. One or two times of not following through is okay, it is understandable.However, not following through consistently creates trust issues between you and your spouse. Your word means a lot and the one way to gain trust is to keep your promises.If you don’t think you can keep a promise, don’t agree to keep it. Instead, communicate with your partner about why you can’t keep it. Communicating your reasons will keep them from feeling like you don’t want to follow through.

6. Laugh, Laugh, Laugh

Laughter releases chemicals called endorphins in the brain that make you feel good emotionally and physically. Laughter is a relaxant and stress reducer. Laughter has many other health benefits including lowering blood pressure and can improve the immune system. Plus, it is fun.

Finding ways to laugh with your partner can bring the two of you closer together, forming positive memories that can take the place of negative ones.

7. Unplug

Spending too much time online, whether on your phone or computer, can drive a wedge between you and your partner. Spending an hour or more on social media when your relationship is suffering is not a good idea. That hour of free time could be spent together. There are hundreds of activities that take an hour or less that are much more productive for your relationship than social media.

Most people spend much more time online than an hour because it is an easy distraction. The downfall is that it distracts us from focusing on maintaining our relationships. It is advisable to unplug each night for at least one hour and spend that time engaged in an activity with the one you love.

If you absolutely must be online, spend that time sending love messages to your spouse.

Conclusion

Just because the spark has faded does not mean your relationship is over.

Both you and your partner can get worn down from life stressors. You both have many responsibilities and sometimes it may feel these are not balanced fairly. This is probably true. You formed a relationship based on your commitment to help each other when needed.

Sometimes you will need more help than your spouse, and other times they will need more help. Picking up the slack for one another shows you are paying attention to their needs and that you want to help them.

Put in the effort to rekindle your relationship. It is worth it!


Chris Massman is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Agoura Hills, CA. She graduated Phillips Graduate Institute with a Master of Arts in Psychology in 2014 and received her Chemical Dependency Specialty in 2014. Today, she practices Congnitive-behavioral therapy to help individuals, couples, and families identify and overcome a variety of unique challenges.