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How to Improve Your Relationship with Yourself

Before you can improve your relationship with your spouse, relative, or friend, you first must improve your relationship with yourself.

This relationship is an important foundation that acts as a foundation for every other relationship in your life.

Today, we are taking a closer look at how to improve your relationship with yourself so you have the foundation needed to improve other relationships.

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The American Psychological Association reports high self-esteem declines as we become adults but can start to reverse, leading to higher self-esteem in retirement age. They also report higher self-esteem leads to better physical and mental health.

There are many factors that can lead to an increase in self-esteem and an improved relationship with yourself. Keep reading to find out actions you can take to start loving yourself more today.

Interview Yourself

You spend a lot of time focusing on making other people happy. You know all the likes and dislikes of your friends, family, co-workers and even boss. But do you know the same things about yourself?

The best way to learn more about yourself is to conduct an interview on yourself. Create a list of questions you would normally ask other people to find out more about them. Make sure your questions are both superficial and profound, so you can get a well-rounded vision of yourself.

Once you are finished you can begin to analyze your answers and assess your whole body.

Assess Your Mind Body Connection

A survey completed by the National Institute of Health revealed 18 million people use mindfulness techniques such as meditation to connect their mind, body and soul.

The benefits of mindfulness are overwhelming. The American Psychological Association claims mindfulness can reduce levels of stress, improve concentration, memory and focus, and helps your body’s immune system function properly.

Mindfulness can also improve mental and physical health.

Quiet Your Internal Critic

The first step in quieting your internal critic is recognizing when you do it. Notice the negative thoughts that pop up in your head and immediately replace them with positive thoughts. Back up the positive thoughts with evidence.

For example, if you are telling yourself you are a nice person, list the many ways you have been nice to others. Then list the times you have been nice to yourself.

Negative internal thoughts may not be all you need to eliminate. You may also need to get rid of the negative people in your life.

Begin the Process of Eliminating the Negative

Just because you love someone, does not mean they are good for you. There are some people, possibly even family members, who may mean well, but consistently make you feel bad.

Negativity does not have to come in the form of abuse. Some people worry, all the time. Their worrying can affect you. The worrier, the complainer and the pessimist make it hard for anyone to feel happy when they are around. Spending less time with them can offer you more chances to avoid taking on their negativity.

Eliminating negativity can also give you time to discover or rediscover your passions, the things that make you happy in life.

Rediscover Your Passion

You can start discovering your passion by stating things that are not your passion. Sometimes the process of elimination is easier. Passion does not have to be associated with your career, it can be a hobby or something new you have yet to find.

Passion is something that makes you feel excited and alive. Passion feels like fun, even if it is a job. Passion is unique to you. Meaning, you are the right person to do this activity. And you do it because you love it, not because friends and family said you would be good at it.

In fact, you do not even have to be good at it. Perfection is an unattainable goal. You can love what you do and still need practice.

If you struggle finding your passion on your own, try working with a life coach or counselor.

Work with a Coach or Counselor

Counselors have tools and techniques that have a proven record of success to help you improve your relationship with yourself. From assessments to cognitive behavioral strategies, they will be able to help you figure out what you need or do not need in your life, so you can achieve happiness.

Look for a licensed therapist with both the education and client experience showing they can help you. It is okay to do research on a counselor, get references from former clients, ask friends for advice on finding a counselor.

You are essentially hiring someone to help improve yourself and your life. Its good to take steps to find the right one for the job. They will be able to help you improve all areas of your life, even your health.

Treat Your Health

Your physical and mental health matter when you are improving yourself. In fact, improving yourself cannot be done without focusing on and fixing any physical or mental ailments.

If you have been diagnosed with depression but are not treating it properly, it will be hard to improve any other areas of your life. Mental and physical illnesses are directly related to your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Fixing these can help you live a satisfying life.

Improving your relationship with yourself can lead to stronger and healthier relationships with others. You will be able to better navigate through the ups and downs of every relationship, from family to co-workers. You will know how to become assertive and will have the confidence to make the right decisions for your life.

Most of all, you will learn about you. This means you will understand your goals, your dreams, and even your limitations. Understanding all of this makes it easier for you to determine how to move forward professionally and personally, and helps you make choices that further your quest for a happy life.


Chris Massman is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Agoura Hills, CA. She graduated Phillips Graduate Institute with a Master of Arts in Psychology in 2014 and received her Chemical Dependency Specialty in 2014. Today, she practices Congnitive-behavioral therapy to help individuals, couples, and families identify and overcome a variety of unique challenges.