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18 Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse

It is all about asking the right questions.

A licensed marriage and family therapist will often ask specific marriage counseling questions as a way to identify problematic areas of your relationship. Whether you are a newlywed or working on your 50th anniversary, there is always room for improvement.

Some days will be much easier than others. It is these ups and downs in your relationship that can strengthen your marriage.

In this article, you will discover 18 marriage counseling questions to ask your spouse.

18 Marriage Counseling Questions

We recently shared 10 couples therapy techniques proven to improve your relationship, but today we are exploring the questions you can ask together.

Whether you are interested in nurturing a good relationship or saving a relationship that is falling apart, asking the right questions is a great place to start.

There are many questions you and your spouse can answer to determine the specific areas in your relationship that need the most attention now. Answering these questions together can prepare you for your counseling session also.

Your responses will allow your therapist to choose the most beneficial techniques for improving your marriage in each session. Keep reading to learn 18 questions to start answering with your spouse today.

1. Do you want our marriage to succeed?

If both of you have the same goal of marriage success, it will be easier to implement the tools necessary to make this happen. If one of you wants the marriage to work but the other does not, your goals will need to focus on various aspects of your relationship.

2. What are the most important marriage issues we should improve?

While you may feel the biggest issue in your marriage is who does the most chores, your spouse may feel the biggest issue is trust. Just because you do not agree on the fundamental issues, does not mean your relationship is over.

Simply showing respect for the other person's opinions and working through the issues together can enhance your relationship.

3. Are there any reasons our marriage cannot Improve?

Some issues are tougher than others when trying to rekindle a relationship. Infidelity causes a serious trust issue and can be very difficult to overcome. However, it can be overcome, and you can trust again if you both believe there are reasons to work toward improvement.

4. Why did we originally fall in love?

Reminding each other of the good times, the fun times is one way to create a new spark. Memories take us back to positive thoughts and positive feelings. It can be fun to discuss the good old days and share a laugh.

5. Who will be affected by the decisions regarding our marriage?

Your decisions will affect everyone in your lives, from immediate and extended families to pets. Discuss how your choice to stay together or separate will affect each person in your lives.

6. What needs are we failing to meet?

One reason we become unhappy in a relationship is because a need is not being met. Whether we do not feel needed or valued, or you spend little time together, all issues are important. Your needs are important and you both should make efforts to meet them.

7. What kind of love do you feel for me now?

Love changes over time. When you first meet you have more passion. That passion turns to care and a deeper love. It is a spectrum that changes throughout the many years you are married. Where are you both right now?

8. What are we willing to do to become more intimate?

Intimacy, or lack of intimacy, can become a major issue in a relationship. It is important to find creative ways to make your spouse feel wanted and desirable, both physically and emotionally.

9. Are there any unresolved conflicts?

Just because you have been married for a while now, it does not mean you have resolved all conflicts properly. In fact, many people can hold on to negative feelings associated with unresolved conflicts. This can interfere with moving forward in your relationship. A marriage counselor can teach you how to resolve them.

10. What will our lives be like If we separate?

Picture yourself as a separated couple, living apart, not seeing each other, and not sharing finances. Do you think it will be better or worse?

11. How are our finances?

Finance problems are reported as a major reason for couples separating. Discuss your finances. Find ways to make your finances less of a problem. Conquering finances as a team can bring you closer together.

12. Are our expectations for each other reasonable?

Do not expect your spouse to act, feel or think a certain way if it is not reasonable. Expecting too much can lead to disappointments.

13. What are the positives in our marriage?

There are always good things you can focus on, even if you do not feel like focusing on them. Point out the positives, compliment each other and be proud of what you have done together so far.

14. What is the biggest change in our relationship?

Each of you can probably narrow down a time in your marriage where you think it started to change. Was it after the baby was born? After a loved one passed away?  Stressful life transitions and events can lead to changes in our mental health. Recognizing theses gives you a starting point from which to heal.

15. Can we make our marriage a top priority?

If you cannot work on something, it will not survive. For anything to be successful, you must put in the challenging work. This applies to your marriage as well.

16. Do we still trust each other?

Trust can be regained, even if you do not totally have it now. Communication is key to building trust.

17. How long are we willing to work on our marriage?

You may be thinking you will spend the rest of your life working on improvements in your relationship. Your spouse may only want to give it one year. Setting goals with deadlines can be helpful in keeping both of you committed to putting in the effort it takes.

18. Do we have the right marriage counselor?

Working with a licensed marriage and family therapist is one of the best decisions you can make.

An experienced therapist will provide the warmth, guidance, and professional insight you need to improve your relationship so you can enjoy your marriage for years to come. Your marriage therapist will provide you with helpful exercises, like this one, to ensure you have what you need to proactively work toward a happier, healthier life together.

Conclusion

Whether you just got married or you are celebrating your 50th anniversary, there will always be room to improve your relationship with your spouse. 

If you are thinking about the benefits of working with a marriage counselor, consider trying this exercise as a starting point.


Chris Massman is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Agoura Hills, CA. She graduated Phillips Graduate Institute with a Master of Arts in Psychology in 2014 and received her Chemical Dependency Specialty in 2014. Today, she practices Congnitive-behavioral therapy to help individuals, couples, and families identify and overcome a variety of unique challenges.